I skyped with Bob this afternoon, talked to mom, watched some TV, then went to see the doctor. Oddly I am not very hungry although I have not had anything to “eat” today, not even juice or broth. The doctor was nice, asked a lot of questions, wrote stuff down, then did an exam. He gave me a probiotic, some mineral stuff, and a homeopathic that is supposed to support your heart and circulation.
It was 7 PM by the time I was done. Since I missed “dinner” (1 cup herbal tea with 1 T honey) I decided to check out the sauna. I was hoping I could tolerate it without taking a beta blocker but I was wrong. I only lasted 12 minutes in there and when I got up to go out my heart rate was so high I had to lean on the wall for a little while. Very disappointing! So if I want to get the benefit of sitting in the sauna I am going to have to take a beta blocker. I don’t like those options.
The heart rate issue is one that I would really like to figure out. It just does not seem that my thyroid med (Cytomel) is causing it, at the same time, I keep going back to it. There are many things I am unsure about and I am hoping that God will give me some answers during this fast. If you are reading this and feel inclined to pray, here is what I am confused about:
1. Should I switch back to Armour Thyroid or stay on Cytomel? Or do I need a combination of the two?
2. Should I taper off the progesterone cream and just stay off of it for a while, then get re-tested?
3. What is causing the heart rate issue?
Writing about it produces some anxiety for me. I haven’t gone to the “what if this fast doesn’t help” what if. I am trying to just focus on today and keep thinking positive.
They have a Catholic church service twice a week and guided prayer time every Monday through Friday at 12:15 PM. There’s a pastor on staff here that you can talk to if you feel the need. And tomorrow he is doing a presentation (for lack of a better word) called “Finding God Through Joys and Sorrows”. I am going to check it out.
The doctor recommended dry skin brushing while I am fasting but of course I left mine at home. He said there’s a store in town that should have them. Guess I’ll trek down there tomorrow to see if I can find one. He also recommended I ride the bike every day, participate in water aerobics, and he discussed which of my supplements I should keep taking and which I should stop while fasting.
Overall I am feeling pretty good. Other than the heart rate issue, a mild headache, and now some white coating on my tongue I am fine.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Day 1
First day of 21 days of fasting….! Since I am fasting at a clinic, I should point out that I will be talking about colonics, bowel movements, etc. Just in case anybody reading this is squeamish.
Anyway, I got up and had some decaffeinated green tea, my meds, and otherwise just water. Mom made some bacon and that was tough. I LOVE bacon and I love the smell of bacon.
Simone drove me to the clinic. Mom was scared to drive because of all the snow we got last night. It was good though because it gave me some time to hang out with Simone and just talk. Plus she is considering spending a week here while I am here so she got to see the place. We got here around 1:15 PM, I checked in, and we went up to my room. It’s small but nice with a roughly twin size bed, a window overlooking a forest, a nightstand, small desk, closet, two chairs and a small (slightly bigger than cruise cabin size) bathroom.
They also put a bottle of sparkling water in the room. YES! I love that stuff. In the bathroom there was a cup with a bit of water and some grainy stuff on the bottom. A little sign indicate that this is Epsom salt which I am supposed to drink every night – YIKES – to assist my body in getting “cleaned”. There was also some sign about some sort of wrap that you get every day while during the “resting” period and it comes in a potato sack which is then to be deposited in designated bins in the hallway. The wraps supposedly help the immune system and circulation.
We took a quick tour of the place and found the pool, sauna, laundry room, internet room (small room with one desktop and one addition internet cable), library, and the two “dining” rooms. One is for people who are eating and the other one is for people who are fasting. Both have a tea and water station with all kinds of different herbal teas. I also found some green tea which I had a cup. I didn’t think caffeine of any kind was allowed during fasting but I figure I may as well have one until I am told I shouldn’t. They also have hot ginger water which I know is very beneficial. I always have good intentions of drinking it daily at home but then never stick to it.
After Simone left I unpacked and then started a load of laundry. I took a bathrobe and some sweatshirts from mom’s house and once I got here I thought they smelled like smoke. I am waiting on those to be done right now.
At 5:10 PM today I have my “entry exam” with one of the doctors. Around 5:30 PM they are doing a tour of the building for all the people who checked in today and the receptionist said it would be to my benefit to try and make it. Apparently they do one every day but she said it’s good to do it the first night and it tends to start a bit late so I should be able to catch up to them after my doctor’s appointment.
Tomorrow at 7:30 AM I am getting my first colonic and at 9 AM I get my first hot/cold herbal foot bath. I guess they don’t mess around. Between the daily Epsom salt and the daily colonics I am going to have the cleanest colon of them all.
They have various free activities every day like guided hikes, excursions into town (on foot) to teach you about groceries, Pilates, music programs, stretching, and more. So they definitely keep you busy which is nice.
I guess that’s it for now. I will update the blog later tonight before I head to bed. It would be nice if I could do so from my room, but at the same time I am glad I don’t have internet access in my room. It would be too tempting to just browse the net all the time. Instead I want to focus on God and the spiritual aspect of fasting.
Anyway, I got up and had some decaffeinated green tea, my meds, and otherwise just water. Mom made some bacon and that was tough. I LOVE bacon and I love the smell of bacon.
Simone drove me to the clinic. Mom was scared to drive because of all the snow we got last night. It was good though because it gave me some time to hang out with Simone and just talk. Plus she is considering spending a week here while I am here so she got to see the place. We got here around 1:15 PM, I checked in, and we went up to my room. It’s small but nice with a roughly twin size bed, a window overlooking a forest, a nightstand, small desk, closet, two chairs and a small (slightly bigger than cruise cabin size) bathroom.
They also put a bottle of sparkling water in the room. YES! I love that stuff. In the bathroom there was a cup with a bit of water and some grainy stuff on the bottom. A little sign indicate that this is Epsom salt which I am supposed to drink every night – YIKES – to assist my body in getting “cleaned”. There was also some sign about some sort of wrap that you get every day while during the “resting” period and it comes in a potato sack which is then to be deposited in designated bins in the hallway. The wraps supposedly help the immune system and circulation.
We took a quick tour of the place and found the pool, sauna, laundry room, internet room (small room with one desktop and one addition internet cable), library, and the two “dining” rooms. One is for people who are eating and the other one is for people who are fasting. Both have a tea and water station with all kinds of different herbal teas. I also found some green tea which I had a cup. I didn’t think caffeine of any kind was allowed during fasting but I figure I may as well have one until I am told I shouldn’t. They also have hot ginger water which I know is very beneficial. I always have good intentions of drinking it daily at home but then never stick to it.
After Simone left I unpacked and then started a load of laundry. I took a bathrobe and some sweatshirts from mom’s house and once I got here I thought they smelled like smoke. I am waiting on those to be done right now.
At 5:10 PM today I have my “entry exam” with one of the doctors. Around 5:30 PM they are doing a tour of the building for all the people who checked in today and the receptionist said it would be to my benefit to try and make it. Apparently they do one every day but she said it’s good to do it the first night and it tends to start a bit late so I should be able to catch up to them after my doctor’s appointment.
Tomorrow at 7:30 AM I am getting my first colonic and at 9 AM I get my first hot/cold herbal foot bath. I guess they don’t mess around. Between the daily Epsom salt and the daily colonics I am going to have the cleanest colon of them all.
They have various free activities every day like guided hikes, excursions into town (on foot) to teach you about groceries, Pilates, music programs, stretching, and more. So they definitely keep you busy which is nice.
I guess that’s it for now. I will update the blog later tonight before I head to bed. It would be nice if I could do so from my room, but at the same time I am glad I don’t have internet access in my room. It would be too tempting to just browse the net all the time. Instead I want to focus on God and the spiritual aspect of fasting.
yesterday
The flight was uneventful and I got to Germany 20 minutes early. After dinner on the plane and a movie I got comfy across four seats with 3 pillows and 2 blankets and slept..............30 minutes! I don't get why I just can't seem to sleep during a flight even when I am comfy and have plenty of room.
Mom and I went to the Wiesbaden base before coming home because she wanted to get some Euro and also fill up the car, only to find out that her ID card is expired. We were able to get into the commissary but that's it. I drank some coffee when we got home and that got me through the day without sleeping. By 10 PM I was very tired and slept straight through the night.
I found myself wanting to eat and searching for non-ZC (zero carb) foods most of the day. My original plan was to go into this 21-day fast without any splurges ahead of time but that wasn't so easy. On the flight I decided to take one bite of the roll that came with dinner which led to me eating the whole thing as well as a piece of cheese and the little brownie. I ate ZC throughout the day yesterday but when I got home from visiting with my SIL I had some green beans and also some almonds. I guess it could have been worse.
Considering jetlag and the fact that I ate foods I don't tolerate all that well, I feel pretty good this morning. I am ready to go to the clinic and excited about getting started. I believe that it will be a really good thing overall.
Mom on the other hand is not doing so well. I am worried about her...
Mom and I went to the Wiesbaden base before coming home because she wanted to get some Euro and also fill up the car, only to find out that her ID card is expired. We were able to get into the commissary but that's it. I drank some coffee when we got home and that got me through the day without sleeping. By 10 PM I was very tired and slept straight through the night.
I found myself wanting to eat and searching for non-ZC (zero carb) foods most of the day. My original plan was to go into this 21-day fast without any splurges ahead of time but that wasn't so easy. On the flight I decided to take one bite of the roll that came with dinner which led to me eating the whole thing as well as a piece of cheese and the little brownie. I ate ZC throughout the day yesterday but when I got home from visiting with my SIL I had some green beans and also some almonds. I guess it could have been worse.
Considering jetlag and the fact that I ate foods I don't tolerate all that well, I feel pretty good this morning. I am ready to go to the clinic and excited about getting started. I believe that it will be a really good thing overall.
Mom on the other hand is not doing so well. I am worried about her...
Day 1
First day of 21 days of fasting….! Since I am fasting at a clinic, I should point out that I will be talking about colonics, bowel movements, etc. Just in case anybody reading this is squeamish.
Anyway, I got up and had some decaffeinated green tea, my meds, and otherwise just water. Mom made some bacon and that was tough. I LOVE bacon and I love the smell of bacon.
Simone drove me to the clinic. Mom was scared to drive because of all the snow we got last night. It was good though because it gave me some time to hang out with Simone and just talk. Plus she is considering spending a week here while I am here so she got to see the place. We got here around 1:15 PM, I checked in, and we went up to my room. It’s small but nice with a roughly twin size bed, a window overlooking a forest, a nightstand, small desk, closet, two chairs and a small (slightly bigger than cruise cabin size) bathroom.
They also put a bottle of sparkling water in the room. YES! I love that stuff. In the bathroom there was a cup with a bit of water and some grainy stuff on the bottom. A little sign indicate that this is Epsom salt which I am supposed to drink every night – YIKES – to assist my body in getting “cleaned”. There was also some sign about some sort of wrap that you get every day while during the “resting” period and it comes in a potato sack which is then to be deposited in designated bins in the hallway. The wraps supposedly help the immune system and circulation.
We took a quick tour of the place and found the pool, sauna, laundry room, internet room (small room with one desktop and one addition internet cable), library, and the two “dining” rooms. One is for people who are eating and the other one is for people who are fasting. Both have a tea and water station with all kinds of different herbal teas. I also found some green tea which I had a cup. I didn’t think caffeine of any kind was allowed during fasting but I figure I may as well have one until I am told I shouldn’t. They also have hot ginger water which I know is very beneficial. I always have good intentions of drinking it daily at home but then never stick to it.
After Simone left I unpacked and then started a load of laundry. I took a bathrobe and some sweatshirts from mom’s house and once I got here I thought they smelled like smoke. I am waiting on those to be done right now.
At 5:10 PM today I have my “entry exam” with one of the doctors. Around 5:30 PM they are doing a tour of the building for all the people who checked in today and the receptionist said it would be to my benefit to try and make it. Apparently they do one every day but she said it’s good to do it the first night and it tends to start a bit late so I should be able to catch up to them after my doctor’s appointment.
Tomorrow at 7:30 AM I am getting my first colonic and at 9 AM I get my first hot/cold herbal foot bath. I guess they don’t mess around. Between the daily Epsom salt and the daily colonics I am going to have the cleanest colon of them all.
They have various free activities every day like guided hikes, excursions into town (on foot) to teach you about groceries, Pilates, music programs, stretching, and more. So they definitely keep you busy which is nice.
I guess that’s it for now. I will update the blog later tonight before I head to bed. It would be nice if I could do so from my room, but at the same time I am glad I don’t have internet access in my room. It would be too tempting to just browse the net all the time. Instead I want to focus on God and the spiritual aspect of fasting.
Anyway, I got up and had some decaffeinated green tea, my meds, and otherwise just water. Mom made some bacon and that was tough. I LOVE bacon and I love the smell of bacon.
Simone drove me to the clinic. Mom was scared to drive because of all the snow we got last night. It was good though because it gave me some time to hang out with Simone and just talk. Plus she is considering spending a week here while I am here so she got to see the place. We got here around 1:15 PM, I checked in, and we went up to my room. It’s small but nice with a roughly twin size bed, a window overlooking a forest, a nightstand, small desk, closet, two chairs and a small (slightly bigger than cruise cabin size) bathroom.
They also put a bottle of sparkling water in the room. YES! I love that stuff. In the bathroom there was a cup with a bit of water and some grainy stuff on the bottom. A little sign indicate that this is Epsom salt which I am supposed to drink every night – YIKES – to assist my body in getting “cleaned”. There was also some sign about some sort of wrap that you get every day while during the “resting” period and it comes in a potato sack which is then to be deposited in designated bins in the hallway. The wraps supposedly help the immune system and circulation.
We took a quick tour of the place and found the pool, sauna, laundry room, internet room (small room with one desktop and one addition internet cable), library, and the two “dining” rooms. One is for people who are eating and the other one is for people who are fasting. Both have a tea and water station with all kinds of different herbal teas. I also found some green tea which I had a cup. I didn’t think caffeine of any kind was allowed during fasting but I figure I may as well have one until I am told I shouldn’t. They also have hot ginger water which I know is very beneficial. I always have good intentions of drinking it daily at home but then never stick to it.
After Simone left I unpacked and then started a load of laundry. I took a bathrobe and some sweatshirts from mom’s house and once I got here I thought they smelled like smoke. I am waiting on those to be done right now.
At 5:10 PM today I have my “entry exam” with one of the doctors. Around 5:30 PM they are doing a tour of the building for all the people who checked in today and the receptionist said it would be to my benefit to try and make it. Apparently they do one every day but she said it’s good to do it the first night and it tends to start a bit late so I should be able to catch up to them after my doctor’s appointment.
Tomorrow at 7:30 AM I am getting my first colonic and at 9 AM I get my first hot/cold herbal foot bath. I guess they don’t mess around. Between the daily Epsom salt and the daily colonics I am going to have the cleanest colon of them all.
They have various free activities every day like guided hikes, excursions into town (on foot) to teach you about groceries, Pilates, music programs, stretching, and more. So they definitely keep you busy which is nice.
I guess that’s it for now. I will update the blog later tonight before I head to bed. It would be nice if I could do so from my room, but at the same time I am glad I don’t have internet access in my room. It would be too tempting to just browse the net all the time. Instead I want to focus on God and the spiritual aspect of fasting.
Friday, January 15, 2010
leaving
Whatever was going on with me two days ago was over yesterday. I felt miserable physically but emotionally I felt much better. I also ate something which I should have done all along. But I can't change the past. And I had no desire to chew and spit.
Today I am flying to Germany. I am excited, apprehensive, and also sad. Saying good-bye to Bob at the airport will be hard. A month is a long time to be separated and I "worry" about him. I know he will be ok, but I also know he doesn't like being alone. And it will be different for me as well. Normally I am with mom and I stay busy for the most part with walking the dog, spending time with her, browsing the internet, seeing friends, etc. But this time I will be in a clinic, I will not have internet access in my room (this is a good thing), and I will have a lot of time to myself. I hope to use that time to focus on God, strengthen my relationship with Him, and REALLY get to know Him. And I hope to spend more time learning Spanish and reading versus watching TV and sitting at this computer.
Today I am flying to Germany. I am excited, apprehensive, and also sad. Saying good-bye to Bob at the airport will be hard. A month is a long time to be separated and I "worry" about him. I know he will be ok, but I also know he doesn't like being alone. And it will be different for me as well. Normally I am with mom and I stay busy for the most part with walking the dog, spending time with her, browsing the internet, seeing friends, etc. But this time I will be in a clinic, I will not have internet access in my room (this is a good thing), and I will have a lot of time to myself. I hope to use that time to focus on God, strengthen my relationship with Him, and REALLY get to know Him. And I hope to spend more time learning Spanish and reading versus watching TV and sitting at this computer.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
still going
I am chewing and spitting again. I was walking around the store earlier telling myself not to do it, not to buy anything that I could even use but then I did anyhow. I am in that dark place today that I can't seem to get out of. The only emotion I can muster is anger. I can't even feel any empathy or sadness for the earthquake victims in Haiti or their families. I don't WANT to be this way but I can't seem to change it. And it's not because my clothes are tighter. They were tight yesterday but I was in a GREAT mood. I want to stop!
crud
Haven't been on my knees at all. Actually, I feel totally disconnected from God today. Yesterday I was in a great, joyful mood and felt pretty good. It's that weird mood where I make everything out to be ok and even justify chewing and spitting. So I did. I don't even feel any great remorse or guilt about it today like I normally do. What the hell is wrong with me?
I also have a headache and backache today and didn't yesterday. I am screwing with my body and it scares me. The weight gain is "killing" me and that scares me, too. It makes me realize how much of a hold this ED still has on me.
This too shall pass!
I also have a headache and backache today and didn't yesterday. I am screwing with my body and it scares me. The weight gain is "killing" me and that scares me, too. It makes me realize how much of a hold this ED still has on me.
This too shall pass!
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